Well folks, it seems my xanga days are numbered. I've realised that this crazy fad is no longer an asset to my life. OR I've moved on to something bigger and better. Its not that I don't have a deep love for xanga and the many nights I have spent toiling away at the details of my every so dreary life. Infact, its more then that. Xanga was a mark in my history book of me, actually keeping some sort of diary. Not that its super gay of me to want a diary. The thing is, I've tried in the past and always lost interest. But really, what person goes back through the pages of their lives and thinks, damn I was cooler back then. Cause as I continue to evolve as a person, I continually look forward. Life is bigger then anyone can comprehend and each day, each significant or insignificant moment causes a massive wave of destruction in a persons life. Think about it, every moment in life leads to the next (and Lauren, you and I know how significant a moment can be...well hopefully you remember even though you weren't there...or were you...) But if we take the time to sit back and reflect on our lives, every choice we are presented, from ketchup or no ketchup, is a direct influence on the rest of our lives. I know I'm talking crazy, and please don't think I'm losing it. I think that the copious amounts of literature I have had to endure through this English degree has started to untap a side of me. Reading book after book of characters sharing their inner most thoughts has made me realise that society often allows things to slide off the beaten path. Its easy to seclude what we actually think, or articulate ourselves at a lower level for fear of judgement. Now I know someone is probably thinking "Jon is on crack" or "the reefer" but I'm not. Infact I'm killing time because I'm on call this evening since one of the other R.A.'s came down with mono. But back to my ketchup analogy. Who's to say that asking for no ketchup won't lead to you choking. Or asking for it won't lead to you spilling on yourself, which results in you having to change, making you late for something else. Every choice is like two sides of an eternal coin, but which ever side you choose will have consequences. So, although I will not completely delete my xanga page, it may be long periods of time before I actually find the urge to write on it again. In my persuit of procrastination I have come to love myspace. And with that, I have created a page there. But myspace is more then xanga. I can blog it, email it, message it, do whatever I want with it. And my sick fascination has grown. So now I have chosen to make myspace my home to the times when I feel a blog is needed to express myself. It has been a fun ride here on xanga. I believe I only ever had to re-write one blog. Everything was as is all the way through. But I also know, that because of fear, I held back on many of the truths I wanted to share. But now, as I continually read people who risk it all for truth and happiness, I say fuck it. People are people, like it or not. We can not change who we've become but we can influence who we will be the next day. Courage and confidence can guide a person. I guess thats why I look for confidence in anyone. I want to know the sincerity of a person. And dammit, no matter which way I look at it, confidence is definatly sexy. And even those people that exude so much confidence that others refer to them as cocky...I challenge you this. Is the person cocky because they are confident but assholes? Or are they cocky because they are confident in themselves and the choices they make. They may not hurt anyone, but they know what they want in life. As this rambling does not seem to end, I guess I'll elaborate. I was recently told I'm cocky. Something that I took harsh, as I don't want to be viewed as a dick. I know I'm not. I may not get along with everyone, and everyone knows I've turned down quite a few hotties because of who they were on the inside. But this is my plea...my question...my reflection on myself. And if you have read this far and have a view or a question or a comment, please do not hesitate to say it. I would rather know every ounce of truth from a person no matter howm uch I might be hurt by it, then have people tell me what they think I want to hear. I am cocky, but I don't deliberatly hurt people. I'm confident. I know where I want to go in life, who I want in my life and what I'm going to do. I know who I am, and I'm not ashamed of it. People can try to bring me down, but I don't have the surplus of friends that I do because I'm an asshole. Infact, I think I have the friends I have because I care for each of them. It's to hard for me to perminantly turn my back on someone...no matter how much they have fucked up. Possibly my parents are to thank for this. It wasn't to long ago that James and I had an indepth chat about Mommy and Daddy C. When it comes to kids, I don't think they could be any more proud. James and I have had friends, and good friends, for many years (excluding my ever so awkward middle years). We are good people, that get involved, help out, make people laugh, have a good time, but can still set our own lives aside in times of crisis to help others out. And its crazy to think that I don't remember them ever deliberatly telling us how to be these people. If education classes are correct, 90% of children are a direct reflection of their parents. So, at the risk of sounding cocky, Joyce and Wayne must have been two rad ass people back in the day. Because if they found the happiness in life that I have found because of my friends and family, then they must be so proud. Alright, I must end this, but its not the end. I will continue with myspace. And I will come back to catch up on your lives. But for now, I sign off and say goodbye to a fun 2 years of xanga. And if you're wondering, I am not re-reading this, or editing it...it stands as is...boring, dull and full of inscesent ramblings. Love you Jon | 
